Easter weekend saw me back at a tree in Cornwall Park almost two years since I sat at her feet and did some serious soul-searching.
And how things can change in two years!
Back then I was stuck in a hopeless situation torn between love and hate and betrayal and condemnation and judgment from the very people who claim to follow the epitome of love and grace and mercy.
In 2015 I took a week out of my busy life to attend a guided retreat at Te Ngakau Waiora in Auckland – a work of Nga Whaea Atawhai o Aotearoa – Sisters of Mercy New Zealand.
With the love and support of Sister Christina Cathro my time was sacred and it was a monumental time in my life and spiritually significant.
If I had not taken that week out of my life for contemplation I would never have had endured the hell that followed.
They say when you’re going through hell to keep walking and sometime almost a year later I emerged battered and bruised and started to rebuild a life out of the rubble.
And with guidance from the grand architect and building on a much stronger foundation with lessons learned the rebuild is going to be even better!
I read the other day that if you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t trying to save it – get the hell out, you can’t fix it on your own.
My choice to stay in hindsight was soul-destroying but life has a strange way of working out for the best even when you fight against the outcomes.
My chance encounter with my gnarled ancient tree was a timely reminder to be real and authentic and live in the moment – not bogged down with regret and shame about the past and not fantasising about how life will be in the future but staying present and mindful of the people in my life that matter most.
“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past and not enough presence.” Eckhart Tolle.
Mai i toku ngakau,